Happiness is Like...

Disneyland. Happiness is like Disneyland.

Here's why: You just made it to Disneyland and you've been so excited to go on your favorite ride. Let's say that's Big Thunder Mountain, like mine. You rush over to the ride, hoping to beat the other tourists to the line. When you get there, the Wait Time sign says 50 minutes. The park has only been open for ten.

There are two ways you can handle this situation. You can either become really angry, start complaining, maybe mutter a few cuss words, and leave the line. The rest of your day probably won't be so magical now.

OR

You can shrug it off, tell yourself you got there as fast as you could and you have no control over the situation, and patiently wait in line. While you're at it, you can smile and realize that you are at the Happiest Place on Earth, and pump yourself up for your favorite ride! Don't let one line ruin your experience.

This is a lot like happiness in our daily lives. WE are in control of our happiness. Not our friends or family, not crappy situations, and not even our hormones (ladies).

Spencer W. Kimball said, "Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react."

We can either choose to sulk when something unfair happens to us, or we can look at our blessings and find a reason to smile and be happy.

I am sure it's easier said than done. I am generally a very happy person. My motto in life is, "If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, water your grass more." I'm an optimist. I feel like we are all in control of our happiness. However, there are days when I am super cranky. There are days I don't feel like being happy. Sometimes there is a trial that pushes me to the end of my rope and I am tempted to let go.

I am sure many of us have those days. But instead of letting go, isn't tying a knot at the bottom of the rope easier? Sometimes it may not be. Sometimes it may seem harder to hold on for dear life instead of letting go and escaping the situation. I can promise you one thing, though. If you tie a knot and hold on for a little while longer, happiness comes a whole lot easier. You will make it through the trial and be able to take a deep breath and move on to happier things. If you let go for now, you'll carry the burden along with you in your heart, and it'll never truly be "over" until you go back to it and face it.

At least, that's my opinion.

Another favorite quote of mine is, "Why remember and be sad, when you can forget and be happy?" -Unknown

I'm not saying you should forget everything bad that happens to you in your lifetime and only remember the happy moments. Remembering bad/sad moments can be a good thing if you learn from them, and lock the lessons away in your brain. Keep it in your brain, tucked away in a box, until you need to pull out the information when you face a similar situation. But please, DON'T DWELL ON IT!

Recently I wrote about losing a dear friend. The quote above is a good piece of wisdom to apply to my current situation. I can either sit at home and dwell on all my hurt feelings, anger, confusion, and how unfair the whole thing was.

OR

I can forgive and FORGET, and be happy.

I choose the latter. I choose to be like princess Elsa, and "turn away and slam the door." Why dwell on the hurt and sadness if it hurts me more? Surely, dwelling on the situation doesn't make anything better! So, I'm letting go. I'm choosing happiness over sadness. I'm choosing to count my blessings (which includes many dear friends who have stood by me during this difficult time). I'm choosing to enjoy my time in Disneyland and not let the long line bring me down. Metaphorically, of course.

I had a friend a few years back who focused so much of their attention on dating, and why no one was asking them out on dates. They turned bitter about it, and soon became pretty unpleasant to be around. I finally told them, "Seriously, just move on. The more you dwell on it the more bitter you become. Who would want to be around that? Show everyone how fun and happy you are, and I'm sure you'll go out again."

This friend chose the other route. They let others determine their happiness.  Sadly, they lost many of their friends, even some family members, and became a very dark, unhappy, bitter person.

Before I met Nic, I didn't go on many dates either. In fact, I think I only went out with two other guys in my single's ward, on a date or two with each, and that was it. In high school I didn't date much, as well. At first I started to get really self conscious and thought there must be something wrong with me. I thought maybe boys didn't think I was pretty, or I was too fat, or that I wasn't fun to be around. I started to turn into a not-so-fun person to be around, and then one day I had a wake up call. My mom said, "Mace, there isn't anything wrong with you. Boys are lame. If you want to date, ask someone out yourself."

She was right! I changed my way of thinking and chose to take control of the situation. I asked out a few guys, and after gaining self confidence I was able to get up the courage to talk to Nic and let him know I liked him.

That's another story (;

Moral is, I chose to be happy instead of letting my situation get to me.

There are a lot of things going on in my life that could make me unhappy. My husband being in school full time, and working full time, means he doesn't have much time for the two of us. I can either be unhappy about that (and to be honest, sometimes I am).

OR

I can be happy that my husband is working so hard to provide for us, and working so hard in school to provide for us in the future. Thanks to him, I won't have to work once we become parents. Oh, AND I can be happy that he has chosen a very successful career choice, so we will hopefully never have to worry about finances in the future. What's not to be happy about?

So, my friends, take control of your happiness. Rid your life of toxic relationships, forget feelings of anger or hurt, forgive those you don't think deserve it, and don't live in regret. Don't get into the habit of dwelling on things you can't control. You deserve to be happy. Let your happiness be determined by YOU.

{LIFE} You Just Go With It

I know, I know, I'm really bad at keeping up on my blog. The thing is, I just don't feel like writing if I don't have anything interesting (or, perhaps inspiring) to say. However, something has been on my mind the past, oh I don't know, five or so months now, and I think I have finally figured out how to put my thoughts into words. So, here goes nothing.

Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Love is hard.

No, really. They all are. I used to believe in "happily ever after, love always wins, etc,"  but lately I have come to realize that Dieter F. Uchtdorf was exactly right when he said, "Sandwiched between their 'once upon a time' and 'happily ever after,' they all had to experience great adversity." He then went on to ask, "Why must all experience sadness and tragedy? Why could we not simply live in bliss and peace, each day filled with wonder, joy, and love?"

His answer: "In stories, as in life, adversity teaches us things we cannot learn otherwise. Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy." (Liahona, May 2010)

His inspired words are exactly what I needed to hear. Am I really not the only one who feels like giving up sometimes? That the trials I go through are too hard? Do other people feel weak in the midst of a personal challenge, too?

I probably sound like Laman and Lemuel, and the Lord is probably wanting to rip His hair out because I question so much. And, sometimes my questioning leads to murmuring. Horrible habit, I know.

My wonderful husband and I are so blessed. We really, truly are. Our Heavenly Father watches over us and guides us so perfectly. We may not see it in the moment, but at the end of it all it's easy to see His hand in things.

An example of this happened not too long ago. Nic had an awful, exhausting job that made him very unhappy to go to work every morning. It killed me to see him so sad and discouraged. We prayed together throughout the first fifteen months of our marriage for him to get a new job. After much fasting, many prayers, tears, frustration, and feeling like giving up, Nic FINALLY got a new job...three months ago. Of course, we rejoiced, thanked the Lord a million times, and things were great for a week or so. I remember looking back at Nic's trial and thinking, "Wow, that was hard, but I see now why it took so long to find the right job." He and I both know that he needed to draw closer to God for strength, and to learn how to be patient with timing. No regrets about going through such a difficult trial together.

Then, my trial began.

I went to bed crying that night, and I remember asking the Lord, "Why another trial so soon? We just made it out of one. Give me some time to recuperate after those fifteen months!"

Please tell me I am not the only person who has felt this way.

My trial was losing a very dear friend. Now, everyone who knows me knows that I am terrible at good-byes, breaks ups, time apart, etc. I was always the one getting dumped by friends or boyfriends throughout high school, not the other way around. I have a really hard time letting go, even if I can see that someone isn't good for me.  I have a really hard time moving on.

I still don't know exactly how it all happened, and if I did this wouldn't be the place to post such personal content. What I do remember though is a lot of hurt, confusion, but most of all, a lot of anger.

I am not an angry person.

I had never been so angry in my life. I had never felt so betrayed, let down, given up on. Never before had I lost a friend because I am married.

Before I continue, let me make one thing very clear: I have NO regrets, and I do NOT blame my husband or our marriage for what happened.

With that said, marriage is hard. Marriage takes up all of your time. A person's marriage and spouse should be their number one priority. Your spouse should have most of your attention most of the time. This is how I feel, and how I have always felt. This is what I told my friends once I got married. All my friends knew that me being married to a full-time student with a full-time job would result in fewer girl's nights and more "Let's meet up for lunch tomorrow" or sending "I'm thinking about you and I love your guts" texts. I became a full-time wife, and I couldn't be happier.

Skip ahead to eighteen months of being married, and all of a sudden one of my best friends has decided that I am no longer a good friend, and that I should be told exactly how much I suck. Hence, the night I went to bed crying and started pleading with the Lord.

I received a very difficult answer that night. Not only from the Lord, but from my mom, my husband, and one of my other best friends. They all told me the same thing: It's time to let go.

Like I said before, I am not good at good-byes, break ups, or time apart. But I knew that this was the only way for me to be happy. I knew in order to be happy, I had to walk through Hell.

And boy, did I walk through Hell that night.

This is all I'm going to say about the details of my trial. Ending a friendship with someone I loved so much was the most painful thing I have ever had to do. But I did it, and believe it or not, I am happier.

Amazing how the Lord knows this beforehand, isn't it? It's amazing to me that I can make a decision, pray about it, receive a difficult answer, but somehow know that everything will be okay in the end. Why? Because I trusted in my Heavenly Father. He wants me to be happy, even though I have to go through adversity and suffer many afflictions.

I learned two lessons after this trial:

1. Life ebbs and flows, and friends come and go. And that's okay, as long as you just go with it. The Lord will lead you through it.
2. Happily ever after really isn't that far out of reach, as long I'm cleaving unto my husband. God gave me my husband to be my anchor, my support, my strength. I am no longer supposed to go through trials alone. I need to lean on my husband and trust in God.

Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Love is hard.

My friends, it is all worth it.

Someday, when I look back at my life and think about all the adversity and trials, I'll be sure to look for the Lord's hand in everything. I know without a doubt that before we can all reach our happily ever after we must first go through hard times, lots of heartache, and probably a little bit of pain and suffering. Before we achieve our happily ever after we must first do hard things. We will have to make hard decisions, and deal with the hard consequences. I know that once one trial ends, another will start soon after. Why? Because that is how we progress. We were put on this earth to learn and progress, not stand still. The most important thing to remember when this happens is the Lord needs us to go through it all so we can learn, grow, and become more like Him. That we must go through heartache to fully experience joy. He's cheering for us, and He reaches out whenever His children need Him.

All we have to do is take a deep breath, and take His hand.