God Be With You {Til We Meet Again}

Well.... He's gone. My family and I dropped Elder Braden Ellingson off at the MTC at 12:45pm on Wednesday, February 5. It was such an emotional day for me, and honestly one of the hardest days of my life. I guess on a positive note I finally figured out what "bittersweet" REALLY means, and I had the chance to visit the beautiful Provo temple for the first time. 

From the moment Braden received his mission call last October I knew it would be hard letting him go. He and I have been close ever since he was born on my third birthday. Growing up together created so many special memories that I hold dear to my heart now that he is away. He was always my confidante, my birthday buddy, my playmate. As the years have gone by he is still my favorite birthday present in the whole world, and he has always been there for me when I needed him.

 I remember calling him, in tears, a few months ago asking him for advice. It had been a rough day and when I knelt down to pray I had a feeling I should call my brother. Braden was able to calm me down and council me using the Spirit. He has always been my unofficial "older brother" because he has always had my back and has always protected me. 

Over the past year we have grown even closer, and I consider him one of my best friends. I don't know what I would do without him! 

I am going to miss him terribly. I have been crying since Tuesday evening when he was set apart as an Elder for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I cried even more when he walked away from our car on Wednesday and entered the MTC. I am going to miss his silly snapchats and his posts on Instagram. I'm going to miss hearing the guitar music coming from his room as he tries to teach himself how to play. I'm going to miss playing weird games of Apples to Apples and laughing nonstop. I'm going to miss sharing our birthday celebration. Nobody tells you that driving away from the MTC feels like you're leaving a funeral! However, I know without a doubt that he is where the Lord needs him. I couldn't be more proud of him and the decision he made to serve Heavenly Father for two years. He has grown so much while preparing for his mission and I know that will only continue. 

But now.... What? I just need to find a way to keep myself busy. He did tell me to have a baby while he's gone.... Maybe I'll get on that in a few months? (; But for now, what the heck do I do to stop the tears from flowing? My poor husband is probably fed up with my moodiness and I don't blame him! My heart is in Provo. I feel like when we dropped him off we left part of me there. 

I know the Lord will watch over him and protect him. I know he will be blessed immensely for dedicating two years of his life to serving. I know that our family will be blessed as well. All this knowledge doesn't make missing him any easier though! I'm at a loss of what to do.

 I suppose I can start by following his example and dedicate the next two years of my life to the Lord as well. I can send care packages and letters. I can take care of my family. I can serve the people around me and try harder at my church callings. I can re-read the Book of Mormom. I can love and forgive more. I can enjoy life and do my best everyday. 

 I can become more like Braden. 

What I Really Want for Christmas

I've been thinking a lot about Christmas and what it really means to me. I won't lie, I'm always thrilled to see the brightly colored presents perfectly wrapped and topped with a bow. However, I always have trouble answering the question, "What do you want for Christmas?" Quite honestly, many things come to my mind. Problem is that a majority of the things that I want only one person can give me- my Heavenly Father. Not only that, but I truly love giving more than receiving. Sure, I loved picking out my new Toms and showing my husband which clothes I would love to wear. I'm excited to see the surprises he has in store for me! But if I could hand the Lord a Christmas list this is what it would look like: 

1. The knowledge that mine and Nic's future is a good one, and that we will always have the money we need and the health to keep us going for many years to come. 

2. Pregnancy happening a lot easier next year. 

3. The comfort that I will get pregnant and when I do, the baby will be healthy and my body will function correctly. 

4. The security of Nic having a great job with the money and benefits we desire.  

5. Finding the perfect balance between spending time with my husband, working, sleeping, going to the temple, upholding my church callings, and seeing friends. 

6. Finding confidence in myself and loving ME for who I am. 

7. Daily opportunities to share the gospel. 

8. The knowledge that somehow, someday, I will make a difference. 

9. A sneak peek into my future just so I can have the assurance that I will be happy and a good mom. 

10. My family always being close to me and living long, healthy, happy lives. 

As I have been pondering this list of mine I have asked myself, "Why can't I ask for some of these things?" Obviously a few of them are things that won't ever happen, like me having a sneak peek into my future. But I can always ask for comfort knowing that my future is in good, loving hands....the Lord's hands. Right?

On another note, the world is making it so difficult to bring the true spirit of Christmas into homes. It's all about gifts, food, traveling....basically just spending money. What happened to the Christ in Christmas? I'll admit that I have struggled with applying what Christmas is really about. I love spoiling my husband and I have gotten caught up in purchasing the perfect gifts for him. I have loved decking the halls of our home with the cutest decorations. In some ways I have allowed the world to cloud the spiritual part of my brain and heart, and have forgotten how to invite the real Christmas spirit into my home. 

I wish Christmas lasted all year long. Not so much the gifts and spending money... but people do seem to be more jolly. I wish the world could keep that spirit alive the other eleven months of the year. It would make the world a much better place to live. If only the people who benefit from the Sub for Santa could be taken care of all year long. If only charity was important to everyone all the time. 

Anyway. Venting session is over now. I apologize for the jumbled thoughts and sloppy presentation. 

So, in response to the popular my question... What I really want for Christmas is the spirit to reside in my home and my loving husband by my side for the rest of eternity. That's it. 

I Need Thee Every Hour

This past week I have learned a very special lesson....I truly need my Father in Heaven every hour. The hymn has been stuck in my head for a few days now and quite honestly those comforting words have been the only thing giving me enough courge to get through the day. Nic and I have been going through a trial for quite some time now and this week I have felt like giving up. I hate admitting this, but I felt cheated. Nic served a full time mission, we married in the temple, we fulfill our calling, attend church weekly, pay tithing every paycheck, go to the temple as often as possible, pray every morning and night, read scriptures...pretty much everything the Lord has commanded His children to do. We are faithful servants and love Him with all of our hearts. So why haven't we been blessed with what we have been asking for since we're clearly doing everything right? That has been the question on my mind and heart for quite some time now. I had finally reached the point where I could no longer muster up the strength to keep my thoughts to myself. I poured my heart out to the Lord and begged Him to have mercy on my husband and I. To please bless us with a new job for Nic. I told Him I have done everything in my power to do what's right and feel like I have received nothing in return. I can't believe how selfish I was. As I was taking a drive to cool down and change my attitude before Nic got home from work the words of "I Need Thee Every Hour" ran trough my head once more: 

"I need Thee evr'y hour, 

Most gracious Lord. 

No tender voice like thine 

Can peace afford. 

I need thee, 

(Chorus)

Oh I need thee!  

Evr'y hour I need thee. 

Oh, bless me now my Savior 

I come to thee. 

I need thee evr'y hour 

Stand thou nearby. 

Temptations lose their power 

When thou art nigh. 

I need thee ev'ry hour, 

In joy or pain.

Come quickly and abide,

Or life is vain.

I need thee ev'ry hour,

Most holy One.

Oh, make me thine indeed,

Thou blessed Son!" 

I pulled over to the side of the road and all I could say to my Lord was, "I'm sorry," over and over. Again, I can't believe how selfish I was. Earlier I said I learned a special lesson...this is what I learned: 

As children of God we do what's right because it's the right thing to do. We shouldn't do the right thing because we expect blessings in return. Of course the Lord will bless us- we're His children and He loves us! However, the blessings may not always come in the way we want or expect them to. He is a wise parent and knows what we need, when we need it. He blesses us when we need it most. If we are doing what's right then the blessings come more often than not. If we aren't doing what's right the blessings slow down. It may not be the same for everyone, and I'm not trying to write doctrine or anything, but that's how it works for me. It has taken me 21 years of living and 10 months of marriage to learn this lesson. I need to do what He has asked me to do because I love Him, NOT because I want something in return. Not a day goes by where I don't need my Father in Heaven and my Savior. Like the hymn says, I need them every hour. I'm not perfect, and I never will be. As a human being I'll always have doubts and fears, and at times I will question my Father. I know there will be a mountain even more difficult to climb than the one Nic and I have been facing for a while now, and when we reach that mountain I will need to cling to the Lord with all my might. I need to trust Him. On that note, I need to trust my husband as well. Don't get me wrong- I DO trust him. Sometimes though I like to make decisions on my own because I think I know what's best for me and I can receive answers from God on my own, thanks very much. This is also very selfish of me. The Lord has blessed me with an absolutely incredible eternal companion! A companion who promised to stay loyal to me, promised to keep me safe throughout the rest of my life, promised to comfort me when times are tough, and promised to share the weight of the world with me. I no longer need to feel like I have to fend for myself. I no longer need to carry burdens on my own. I've gotta tell you...my husband is the most wonderful blessing I will ever receive. I'm not going to lie, things are really tough for us right now. We have been struggling with this job hunt and with Nic's schooling for so long.... The stress of it all is weighing us down. We can't do it alone, heaven's no! But with the help and love from our Heavenly Father we will reach the top of the mountain. I am so grateful for my husband and his determination to climb this mountain with everything he's got. He never ceases to amaze me! I have never met someone with so much courage and motivation. On top of that, he has the biggest heart in the universe and always shows kindness toward others. I can only dream of being as amazing as him. We may not be getting the "break" we need right now... but we do have each other. I know  the Lord is watching over us and is mindful of the things we desire and the things we need. I am incredibly blessed. 

Thankful

I just love the holiday season. I love the lights, the parties, the decorations, the food, the friends and family....everything about it. My favorite part is how the entire world seems to find joy a little easier and reasons to smile a little more. I love how the spirit of Christ is present. I just love it! I am so excited to celebrate mine and Nic's first Christmas as a married couple. I can't wait to start our very own traditions...starting with our Disney tree(: As anxious as I am to reach Christmas, I would hate to neglect this month of gratitude. I have so many things to be thankful for. My Heavenly Father has blessed me greatly and has watched over our little family so perfectly. I can't believe how blessed I am. The best part is I continue to be blessed every single day....especially by my husband. I am so grateful that two years ago I met the most amazing man who became my very bet friend. I am so grateful that he fell in love with me. I am so grateful he asked me to marry him. I am so grateful he is a worthy man who took me to the temple to be sealed for time and all eternity. He is the love of my life and I can't wait to spend an infinite number of years with him. Goodness, I need to be better at writing down my blessings...and not just during the holidays. Here's to a New Year's resolution, right? 

Families are Forever

Nic and I are very family oriented. We absolutely love our families and enjoy spending free time with them. Recently, I've been "interviewing" people in my family about their history. I asked my parents how they met, how my dad proposed, what their favorite high school memories are, etc. While I love hearing about them, I also love learning about my ancestors. I had no idea my mom's side of the family came from Denmark, and I definitely didn't know my grandma (her mom) grew up in D.C. going to inaugural balls. How cool is that? Luckily, I haven't lost very many family members. My mom's dad passed away from stomach cancer when she was eleven, and the two other deaths were two of her sisters about four years ago; one from cancer, the other in a car accident. I'm very blessed with having all my family members still alive and well. My husband's side of the family has had a few more deaths, including his grandma and grandpa Walters. I've enjoyed asking my father-in-law about his parents because I wish I could have met them. Nic and I have filled our home with things about our family. He has a few antique trinkets that came from his grandparent's house that we display around the apartment, and he even uses his grandpa's fishing pole every time we go fishing. A few months ago I wanted to make something to hang in our place representing our last name and wedding date. I told my sweet mother-in-law, Jodi, and she surprised me with some things to use for the craft....grandma Walters' vintage buttons. This is how the project turned out: 

The jar of buttons was HUGE, and there were at least 300 buttons in the collection. I chose all the yellow, black, gray, and white ones (our wedding colors) and even added a blue one for the "something blue." As we were sifting through the buttons, Jodi told me where some of them came from: grandpa Walters' military uniform, baby clothes belonging to their children, her wedding dress, her shoes, and other things she had throughout her life. I loved hearing all the stories, and having those buttons in our home is so special to me. Even though I never met her, I can feel her spirit in our home with those buttons on display. I am so grateful Nic and I were sealed in the temple so we can be together forever, as well as with our families forever. I don't know what I would do without them! I look forward to the day I can finally meet sweet grandma Walters and thank her for the buttons. 

Never Forget

Please take a moment to follow this link. You won't regret it! http://fox13now.com/2013/09/11/utah-teacher-honored-for-911-heroics/ Touching, right? I work at Providence Hall elementary school, and the students shown attend our middle school. What amazing examples they are! It was so touching to see them all lined up outside the school in full uniform to stand at attention (in complete silence) to honor Ryan White, the history teacher. Twelve years ago today he sacrificed his career in the military to save the people at the Pentagon. I wish I could have stood with these kids. I am a proud daughter of a fireman and know how hard it is to let my dad put himself in danger for the safety of others. 343 FDNY men were lost. I don't know the totals for the other first responders, nor do I know the total numbers for the citizens in the towers, but I know they are high. All I know is every time I listen to the dispatches from that day and see the footage I can't help but cry for hours. It breaks my heart seeing our beautiful country attacked so brutally. It breaks my heart to see the men and women stuck at the top of the towers with no way to escape. It breaks my heart to see the firemen and policemen run into the buildings by the hundreds to try saving lives. Such a sad day for America. I believe it's so important to remember these events and to pull together. I have more pride on September 11 of every year than I do on July 4 because it's the day I personally remember our country pulling together. It amazes me how everyone's hearts ached for people most of the country had never met before. It gives me hope that our country isn't as screwed up as people believe. We live in a beautiful, grand, and blessed country. We are all FREE. Let us not forget the words of the Pledge of Allegiance...I feel like we all have it memorized in our brains but we don't have it engraved in our hearts. My favorite part is the last phrase, "One nation, under God, Indivisible..." That statement is true to this day and I have faith that it will stay that way. I hope and pray that our Founding Fathers are pleased with us and what we've done with our country. I know I'm proud. Nobody is perfect, no country is perfect, and no leader is perfect. But if the people of this country can pull together like we did 12 years ago I believe we will be forever strong. God bless the USA. RIP FDNY, NYPD, and all others who lost their lives. God be with you til we meet again.

For the Love of Jars

A few weeks ago my mother-in-law gave me some old Mason jars. I had no idea what to do with them...but then I took a look at my bathroom and saw how badly I need to organize some odds and ends in there. This is what I did: 

To color the jars, I mixed food coloring with some mod podge and painted it onto the jar. I just love the touch they add to our bathroom! Perfect for storing q-tips, cotton balls, elastics, bobby pins, etc. After I made these three jars I had two left, and not enough counter space. Heaven knows I could use more storage though! What I did instead was turn those jars into a Blessings and Favorite Memories jar. Every night my husband and I write down a blessing from the day, and one of our favorite memories with each other. At the end of the year we will seal them and start all over. This is how they turned out: 

We have only been doing the blessings and memories jars for a few weeks now but it has already improved our marriage. It's so fun to sit down and read through the memories together! And pulling out a blessing from a jar is a nice reminder that life really is good, even with the struggles. That's all for tonight! Hopefully I'll have more jar projects finished soon! Xo